I take a sleeping pill that only works until 3 am, then I have insomnia until I decide to get up, which is then a struggle because my balance isn’t good and it’s very hard to physically get dressed. Then at some point in the morning I need to nap I can’t keep my eyes open. I’m getting more and more forgetful and my speech is regressing. But no one cares about my racing thoughts, the tremor that used to be under control with meds but now is med resistant. No one fucking cares about how I struggle on a daily basis, but Katie Gerdts/Fox gets 1 fucking link and instead of being the grown up 40 year old she is and just ignoring it or even blocking me I don’t care she had to take my brother? She had to start some drama? Now I don’t have a brother anymore won’t have a nephew which I have been working so hard on his welcome to the world presents. And now none of that matters because KATIE GERDTS/FOX decided to start some drama.
My physical struggles each day don’t mean shit, but my brother’s struggles I’m expected to have empathy for when he doesn’t even care if I live or die? He once told me the one cousin I always liked was a bad person and would call Katie a bitch and stuff. Well she obviously is a bad person and a bitch. So maybe it’s the opposite, Katie and Robbie are the bad people.
And right now I feel so alone I had a list of goals to do and now I don’t want to do anything. I feel helpless , hopeless, and I just can’t stop crying. A million different things she could have done and she chose the one to cause drama. But my brother and mother aren’t focused on the choice of the non-injured person, no they want to keep harping on what I did and how stupid I am. I swear sometimes it feels like my family is trying to push me to suicide. It feels that way sometimes between my brother than my mom automatically taking his side…. their lives would obviously be better without me.
But I wouldn’t because my grandpa needs me but once he’s gone I’m gone