Wednesday’s Thoughts

I actually started this entry yesterday, but then I got really tired and went back to sleep. And then when I woke up I had to rush to the nail salon, and then as soon as I was done my uncle and me headed out to Mass General in Boston so I could get the Botox done. It was not fun. He injected it all into my head and it hurt as he did it. I felt the little pricks as he poked all the different spots in my head. Then leaving, I had a bit of a headache, today I feel somewhat better, other than feeling extremely tired.

The Back of my eye is hurting a little bit, so I don’t expect to do much today. Maybe watch some tv or nap, read, I ruined a diamond painting because of my own stupidity. Anyone that diamond paints can probably understand what happens when you leave the sticky part exposed and get a paper stuck on it. The other one that got ruined was more my cats fault. I accidently left the sticky part exposed and my cat knocked a drink on it.

I stayed up late last night finishing the book “Her Dark Lies” by JT Ellison, it kept my attention and I could not put it down. Every book I’ve read by her has kept my attention and I have a hard time putting it down. She is a brilliant writer. I’m about to start “Dead To Her” by Sarah Pinborough.

The hardest thing I’m having to deal with right now are the neurological symptoms (the intention tremor, the fatigue, the stumbling, the tripping over my words as I try to talk, etc.). And the constant migraines which should get better with the Botox, although the dr. did say most patients usually start to really see results after the second treatment. Which will be in twelve weeks. Yay.

I’ve been thinking about my brother a lot the past few days, and I don’t think he’s been so much as willfully ignorant, as much as naively ignorant. Which would go back to the post where I mentioned that in the hospital while I was on an all liquid diet he fed me cheese fries. I feel like even back then he was in a little bit of denial about exactly what happened to me and how I was changed forever.

I just feel like he doesn’t understand my limitations, and is still in a state of denial, (not completely, but to a certain effect). I feel like he doesn’t understand my conditions and up to this point hasn’t even tried to understand the full effects, and what I deal with on a daily basis. Especially right now, I have so much stuff going on in my life that I need to focus on. Maybe one day we’ll be able to have a conversation and work things out, but not right now. I have too much going on in my life that I need to be focused on.

Last night I was thinking about my blog and what I would like to do with it. Should I make different pages? Such as my favorite quotes/affirmations, maybe one with song lyrics that really resonate with me. One thing is I would like to start a series on tv show characters that I really relate to and why I relate to them. Another thing I would like to do is write some book/movie reviews, and also I’ve been studying the Law of Attraction and Affirmations, I also have some kindle books with some journal prompts, which I think will be helpful in finding myself, as well as improving my writing.

I’m still relatively new at this, so I’m trying to come up with ideas that will really make my page stand out. If anyone has any suggestions I am all ears.

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3 Comments

  1. I find that most people can only stay empathic or sympathetic toward an ill person for a short period of time, then they are ready to move on, or have the ill person get better or just go away. Sad, I know, but I think it’s true. Humans are biologically programmed to get on with the business of living, and most leave the old and infirm in the dust. As one who suffers from chronic pain, I tend not to talk about it much because I see friends’ eyes glaze over. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It just really sucks because my brother and I were so close growing up. When he heard about my accident he drove to Florida without stopping or sleeping from NY to get to the hospital. He put off a hernia operation to go. And then. …

      Liked by 1 person

    2. And I talk about it on my blog but when I’m around people I usually don’t. I am so familiar with the eye roll thing. It’s the point that it’s been almost 21 years and not once has he bothered to learn what I go through each day, or even ask a question about my health and he’ll never defend me. I’m not mad anymore just sad. I have some family that know what I go through and stand by me, and my two friends have their own medical issues they deal with. So of course they are compassionate to me as I am to them. I’m actually pretty lucky. And of course having you read my blog and be my twitter pal makes me feel more special

      Liked by 1 person

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