So my GoFundMe is holding strong at 0 dollars. I need 5000 to pay my uncle and grandfather back. At this point I’m kind of whatever about it. Times are tough, real tough, and there are people with GoFundMe’s for food for their family and whatnot.
I got an email today from someone at the GoFundMe site, saying they were concerned because I mention having suicidal thoughts. He gave me resources and asked if I was working with someone or whatever. I thought that was nice. And I do have a therapist. And a psychiatrist, neurologist, Botox doctor (for migraines), neuropsychiatrist, the list goes on and on.
Being completely honest, I still do have suicidal thoughts like all the time. There is no possible way I’ll be able to pay my uncle back in any short amount of time. Times are tough, people don’t have money to throw away money to a spoiled girl that really messed up and now owes her uncle and grandfather 5 grand.
But just because I have suicidal thoughts doesn’t mean I am going to hurt myself. That’s why Crisis let me go home the night my uncle was scared I was going to do it. I told the crisis guy “suicidal ideation does not mean I’m actually going to do it”
I’m just really depressed, especially right now, it’s very hard to get out of bed. I’m fatigued all day and have insomnia at night. I just wish I could do something. And times are really tough so I mean I understand why no one wants to donate, and why they can’t. It’s just depressing because all I can do is 50 dollars a month.
Baseball season starts tomorrow and I am excited about that. Go Yankees!! I’m going to add my GoFundMe on here once more, just in case. I hate myself for the position I put my uncle and grandfather in. I’m working on the whole self forgiveness thing but its not going to well.